8:47 PM
is in a foul mood rite nw. im near to tears.. i feel so wrongly accused. i feel so tired of everythin.. so tired of being lied to, being the bad person, being neutral, being misunderstood, being helpful, being me.
its not tat im complaining, or watever. i understand everything. i realli do. and i appreciate tat u guys trust me, tats y u ppl will confide in me. i realli appreciate.
as usual, miscommunications, but apparently tat person dun admit.. think its me whos kicking a big fuss n blah. so as usual, me again. as usual, i am the bad guy. as usual, i have to be the bad person.
no matter how many times i got said or watever by ppl, who can i complain to? y isit always me? just now realli say until i wan to cry... isit insensitive of me trying to help, trying to make things not to turn out so ugly, trying my very best to be neutral, coz i dunwan to take sides, if nt a will say i side b, n b say i side a. den tell me wat shld i do? neutral oso wrong, take sides oso wrong.
y do i feel tat they r implying that im a double-headed snake, tat when i face a, i side a, when i face b, i side b. wat is this? when im juz trying to help to make peace.. it juz broke my heart... tat nobody understand..
maybe they dun realli believe wat i told them.. maybe they think tat im juz being a busybody, being such a nuisance.. thinking im juz someone whos trying to make things worse, dun believe my words when i responded with har? wah y lytat! so guo fen!, when they told me wat happen.
i think in future i will juz keep quiet, be indifferent to everything. i dun mind ppl confiding in me n stuff, if frens still will after reading this entry. i will juz give my own opinions. only opinions, not advices. or maybe i shouldnt even say anything, i will just LISTEN and keep quiet. i will not side anyone, i will not help anyone. i will juz mind my freaking biz n keep my freaking mouth shut.
whenever im angry, i will not find anyone to complain. i will juz keep to myself. i will juz scold my tv, scold my comp, or scold my bed, or juz type rubbish in my blog, which is wat im doing now.
i think im pathetic. no so call best frens, even when im in sch. no one whom i can proudly call, my best fren, or my best gf, my best sister, my best buddy. no one whom i can really confide into. someone who oways will be ther for me. someone who can really understand me.
i c ppl still hanging out happily with their sec sch frens or even pri sch frens after being graduated for years. but me? lol. nobody contact me (often). not tat im trying to be pitiful or something.. but juz in the process of 自我检讨, isit the way i treat ppl? or i dun treat frens gd enuff? is tat y i oways land up with so many daijis?
ju onced said to me, she said i shld curb my temper. though frens may say frens shld tolerate each other.. but still its for my own good. i agree. i noe. or mayb i shld say, my temper has improved alot. the times wher u ppl c mi with a temper, im not realli angry u noe.. how shld i say? nobody, and i mean NOBODY, ever seen me really flaring up. even if ther r somebody, its oni afew times.
yes, my temper is very quick. i can get angry in an instant, but i can also cheer up in an instant. my temper comes quickly, n fades away as quickly too. i forgive, but i do not forget. its the same as this case, though thers no one to forgive, but i wont forget wat happen even though i am forgetful.. some things u can just never forget, no matter how absent-minded u r.
ok back to studies.
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